Helping Your Children Develop Their Self-Discipline
We want our children to do the right thing, especially when they are out with their friends. We want to believe in them, but somehow, we don't feel certain that they would.
Have you ever asked yourself why you feel and act that way? Maybe the answer lies in the fact that, although you intend to, you rarely teach them how to develop their self-discipline. Or maybe it is because your parents never taught you how to develop yours.
Well, it's never too late to learn. Here are fourteen principles to set you on the right track:
1. Natural and logical consequences require children to be responsible for their own behavior.
2. Reward and punishment deny children the opportunity to make their own decisions and to be responsible for their own behavior.
3. Distinguish the differences between the punishment approach and the logical consequences approach to developing their self-discipline:
· Punishment expresses the power of authority; logical consequences express the impersonal reality of the social order.
· Punishment is rarely related to misbehavior; logical consequences are logically related to misbehavior.
· Punishment focuses on what is past; logical consequences are concerned with present and future behavior.
· Punishment tells children that they are bad; logical consequences imply no element of moral judgment.
· Punishment is associated with a threat, either open or concealed; logical consequences are based on good will, not on retaliation.
· Punishment demands obedience; logical consequences permit choices.
4. Natural consequences are those that permit children to learn from the natural order of the physical world.
5. Logical consequences are those that permit children to learn from the reality of the social order.
6. For consequences to be effective, children involved must see them as logical.
7. The purpose of using natural and logical consequences is to motivate children to make responsible decisions, not to force their submission.
8. Apply the logical consequences approach in the proper sequence:
· Provide choices and accept the child's decision while using a friendly tone of voice that communicates your good will.
· While following through, assure the child that he may try again later.
· If the misbehavior is repeated, extend the time that must elapse before he may try again.
9. Consequences are effective only if you do not use the hidden motives of winning and controlling.
10. Be both firm and kind when correcting children's misbehavior. Firmness refers to your follow-through behavior; kindness refers to the manner in which you present them with choices.
11. Talk less, listen and act more. Lead them into the proper behavior by setting the example.
12. When you do things for children that they could do for themselves, you are robbing them of the opportunity for self-respect and responsibility.
13. Avoid fighting or quarreling; they indicate a lack of respect for the other person. Avoid giving in; it indicates disrespect for yourself.
14. Be patient! It takes time for natural and logical consequences to become effective.
Follow these principles and watch your relationship with your children and spouse improve, the self-discipline of your children increase, and, perhaps most importantly, your patience and love for them return.
Remember: When you maximize your potential, everyone wins. When you don't, we all lose.
© Etienne A. Gibbs, MSW
PERMISSION TO REPUBLISH: This article may be republished in ezines, newsletters, and on web sites provided attribution is provided to the author, and it appears with the included copyright, resource box and live web site link. Although advance permission is not required, please notify us at firstname.lastname@example.org when you use this article.
Etienne A. Gibbs, MSW, Management Consultant and Trainer, conducts seminars, lectures, and writes articles on his theme: ... helping you maximize your potential. He offers management, marketing and parenting resources at http://www.maximizingyourpotential.blogspot.com
In Defense of the Jelly Bean
Should a parent give a child a tangible reward when he or she has behaved properly or performed some important task such as doing homework, or helping around the house? Understandably, many parents are hesitant to use incentives, such as prizes, or food treats, to influence their children, especially considering the negative comments by some, but not all, contemporary parenting experts. For many parents, giving their children rewards feels like bribery and to them, should be thus avoided.
Surviving As A Single Parent: Seven Simple Suggestions To Make Your Life Easier
1 - Forgive even if you will never be able to Forget -Let go of grudges you may hold against your child's other parent, who is absent from BOTH of your lives. Holding onto feelings of anger will not change your situation and will probably consume a great deal of your energy - energy you need to devote to creating a positive environment for your child.
The Twenty-First Century Parent
John was a 43 year-old sales manager at a large company. He's married and has 3 children, ages 7, 9, and 12.
How Often Does Child Sexual Abuse Get Reported?
Not nearly as often as it should. Most child abuse victims never report the crime or get help in coming to grips with this life-changing trauma.
What is Hyperactivity in Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder?
Most of the ADHD kids that are seen in a private practice setting are hyperactive kids simply because they get into the most trouble. Their parents are usually pulling their hair out and saying, "We've got to get this child some help.
Here we will come to know who are the most responsible person to make your child an addicted person & failure.In general we see kids who are addicted of tobacco , drinking, smoking, etc.
How To Help Your Child Learn
Just as every snowflake is unique, so is every child. The way that your child learns depends a number of different factors, which combined together, create his unique learning style.
Why Mother's Day is Important For Children
Mother's Day is important for children.This Mother's Day take note how your children celebrate the occasion.
Teacher Tips: Your Room Set-Up and ADHD Students
Thank you to all of our professional educators who dedicate themselves to our children! We know how difficult it can be working with ADHD children, so here are your teacher tips for the week, brought to you by the ADHD Information Library and ADDinSchool.com.
Television - The Great SATAN!
I've often thought that in 6 million years, archaeologists will marvel at the devotion the 21st century Earthlings had to their household gods. Excavation will show these deities in virtually every home, obviously objects of devotion, the focal point in a room.
When Your Chicks Leave the Nest
When my son was 18 (and had finished school), he moved into a flat with two of his mates. They were boys we'd known throughout his high school years and the flat was only ten minutes from home, but I cried for two weeks!It just seemed to me that a major part of my life was over.
Marriage, Divorce, and Kids
Are men to blame for the divorce problem in this country?It's been said that one of the reasons for the high rate of divorce in this country is the manner in which men choose their wives. Specifically, they choose their wives in a fashion similar to how they choose their next car.
Your Checking Account
Checking accounts are an absolute necessity these days. You can either have a checking account or run to the bank or other outlet for money orders.
Revering the Crayon Marks
"Do not think that love, in order to be genuine, has to be extraordinary. What we need is to love without getting tired.
Teaching Your Child Safety
Q. What is the best way to teach safety awareness to young children?A.
Saying No To Our Children
Saying no to our children is not always easy or pleasant. Sometimes it is very hard work and we don't want to face the struggle.
Ten Terrific Ideas for Rainy Day Fun
It's been raining for a week and the kids and bored and restless. How do you cure those rainy day blahs? Try some of these parent tested and kid approved ideas and your children will be hoping for another rainy day when the sun finally peaks through.
Watering Your Young Child's Mind
Mary, Mary, quite contrary, How does your garden grow? With silver bells and cockle shells And pretty maids all in a row.It's an everyday nursery rhyme, it's simple to sing with your small child, and apparently this nursery rhyme about a little child watering her garden is watering your little child's mind!Early childhood educators have identified pre-reading skills that are necessary for the learning of reading and the mastery of language.
Parenting Your Teenager: 3 Ways to Make the Time
Every now and then I'll get a story sent to me by e-mail that is a no-brainer idea for an article. One of those came across my desk just the other day.
Raising a Self-Sufficient Teen
Teens don't learn responsibility overnight. If you haven't been working with your teen on gradually giving them a sense of independence and ownership of their lives, then you're going to have your work cut out for you.
|home | site map|