When Kids Hurt Parents
The cruel callous remarks made by our offspring can sometimes wound us deeply, to the very core of our soul. The hurtful words of our children can scar us like no other. They are capable of hurting us with the deepest kind of hurt. When the words "I hate you" spurt forth from the mouth of a five year old in the throes of a temper tantrum we tend to overlook them. When words such as those are hurled at us from the lips of our teenage or adult offspring they cut sharper than any blade forged from steel. The wound can fester leaving us open and vulnerable to future hurt. We forgive them. They're our children, we love them so how can we not forgive them? Yet the pain of such damaging words still lingers. In the back of a parent's mind, it is only natural that doubt should remain. Did he really mean what he said or was it just anger talking? Does my child really hate me? Have I failed as a parent?
We're only human so we're bound to question ourselves. We automatically assume that our offspring are acting out due to our own inadequacies as a parent. We are left feeling a jumble of mixed emotions. We feel angry with our children for the tone they've taken with us; we feel angry with ourselves for not raising them better but most of all we feel hurt. We wonder what we've done to deserve such treatment. Times have changed. Children are more outspoken and candid with their parents but a change of times should not warrant disrespect. As a teenager I would have never treated my mother with the type of disrespect that is so common these days. Certainly we had our moments like every parent and child but I would not have deliberately spoken out against her with malice or contempt.
Many parents tend to blame themselves to the point that they will utterly deny any disrespect directed toward them from their own children. This is done more to protect themselves rather than their offspring. To admit disrespect on the part of their children would be to admit failure on their part. Parents shouldn't always blame themselves for the shortcomings of their daughters and sons. We do the best we can and each child is different as is each parent. It used to be that parents expected too much of their children. Although that still occurs, it seems the roles have reversed to some extent. Now, children expect too much of their parents. This is due in part to the commercialism and competitiveness of the world we live in. Society is one huge commercial venture.
Oftentimes parents are expected to have better jobs, nicer cars and bigger houses. If they can't provide their offspring with fat allowances and the newest name brand clothes they may be labeled a bad parent. Many teenagers have an issue with respect. They fully expect others to treat them with respect but they certainly don't know how to treat others, including their own parents, the same way. Teaching kids good old fashioned values may work for some but definitely not all. Sadly, it appears the temptations of today's world seem to be winning out. Perhaps, divine justice will prevail when our children reap what they sow through their own children.
Darlene Zagata is a freelance writer and columnist for the print publication Moon Shadows Magazine. She is also the author of "Aftertaste: A Collection of Poems" and "The Choosing." Her work has been published extensively both online and in print. For more information visit her website at http://darlenezagata.tripod.com or contact Darlene at email@example.com
The Great Baby Name Debate
Winifred or Willow? Thomas or Troy? The name you choose for your child will last a lifetime. Whether you're looking for something original that will stand out from the crowd or a traditional name that people will instantly recognize, choosing a name for your new baby is a huge responsibility.
Spending Time With Your Child
Why Is Spending Time with Your Child So Important?For children to get any sense that they are loved and wanted, you have to be prepared to spend some time with them. I know you are all thinking, so tell me something I don't know.
There are so many learning labels floating around these days ..
The Most Powerful Question a Parent Can Ask?
The question I have for you drives right to the heart of the matter. It could alter that tired, haggard feeling you have at the end of a day or weekend.
Choosing Wooden Toys For Children
Wooden toys are one of the best alternatives for the huge number of toys made of plastic and other synthetic materials that you can find in all toy stores.In addition, most children's wooden toys are handcrafted.
Cyber Parenting 101
Many parental units are not "techies" and openly admit they are not. They seem to use that as an excuse to not be informed and "trust" their children to do what is right in an environment that is clearly risky.
Partnering With Your Daycare or Preschool
For the most positive daycare experience for your child, partner with your childcare center and make a personal investment beyond the monthly tuition. You can build your partnership with your daycare by volunteering your time, contributing goods or services, or donating money.
Using Pocket-money To Promote Independence In Kids
In seminars I am often asked about pocket-money and whether it should be earned or only given when children behave well.My belief is that children should receive pocket-money as their small share of the family-wealth just as they should share the workload at home.
7 Things To Teach Your Kids About Money
Did you know that many people retire broke?It's true. After a lifetime of hard work and having earned literally hundreds of thousands of dollars, they end up with nothing.
Math Facts - Try Some Fun Ways to Learn Them
Memorizing math facts is a necessary part of elementary school. Flash cards and repetitive chanting have their place, but, for my children, were pure drudgery.
Americas Public schools --- Deteriorating Like They Did In Ancient Rome
The citizens of the early Roman Republic enjoyed an education system similar to ancient Athens. It was voluntary and parents paid tutors or schools directly.
Featured Article on Parenting: The Power of Belonging
Search for Assurance: The Power of BelongingThe job hunt is on, as is the quest to find another great preschool and neighborhood to be part of. After feeling out of place, hearing over and over that an item I'm searching for is not available, or a pretty basic procedure I thought I had a grasp of is "done differently here.
Parents --- Homeschooling Can Take a Lot Less Time Than You Think
The time you will need to teach your children the essentials - reading, writing, and arithmetic - is much less than you think. Let me quote author and former public-school teacher John Gatto from his wonderful book, Dumbing Us Down:"Were the colonists geniuses? [i.
10 Steps To Prepare You For Life With Children
It's hard to explain to the uninitiated the changes that a child will bring to your life - nothing is quite the same again. If you are an expectant father (or even mother) or just considering the prospect of parenthood, do the following 10-step program so you can learn what you're in for.
The Challenges of Single Parenting
Having worked with parents for the last 35 years and written books on parenting and relationships, I've discovered that one of the greatest challenges for us as parents is to be loving role-models for our children, showing our children through our behavior how to take personal responsibility for their own feelings and needs. Our children need to learn from our role-modeling how to nurture themselves within and how to create a sense of safety in the world.
Guerilla Parenting Techniques: What Are They?
When you hear the phrase, 'guerrilla parenting techniques', what images come to mind? I see a big, broad shouldered soldier, dressed in green fatigues, with brown paint on his face. His chest is crisscrossed with ammunition for the guns strapped on his legs.
Home And School Education - Your Kids Can Benefit From Both!
Once, as a Learning Support Teacher, I made my way down to the annexe that housed the school's History Department.The annexe was about 100 metres from the main school building, down an attractive, leafy hill.
Awesome Dads Top Ten Ways To Be The Foundation of Your Family
Part of the responsibility of being a father is to establish a strong foundation for the family. Just like a building foundation, much of this work goes unseen and rarely gets acknowledged, yet the strength and integrity of the entire structure relies on it.
Direct Answers - Column for the week of May 31, 2004I am concerned about my daughter, "Julie." She is 16 and a junior in high school.
Diapers: Do You Choose Disposable Or Reusable?
|home | site map|