The Secret, Unconscious Game Children and Parents Play Where No One Wins!
Did you know there's a game children and parents play all the time and yet, neither of them knows about it? This article discusses this unconscious, no-win game children play with their unknowing parents; how points get scored; why the game isn't a good thing to play, and how parents can stop the game.
I wish I could tell you the name of the game. It's a secret and has no name. Parents and children don't even know they're playing the game. The purpose of the game is simple; children play it to get their way. The game itself is based on a point system. Whoever has the most points has the most power and control in the parent-child relationship. The minute a child asks the parent for something and is met with the answer, "no," the game begins!
Children score points when they argue with their parents so much, their parents become upset, raise their voice and lose their 'cool.' Or when they are asked to do something and then don't do it correctly and they're not caught, they win a point. When children say they did their chores or completed their homework and didn't and their parents don't check up on them to see if they're being honest, another point gets scored. Another ay to score a point happens when parents tell their children tothey will do something for them and then don't follow through. If you tell your child you'll take him to the store on Wednesday and then weasel out of it, you just gave your child a point. Why? Because you're teaching your child it's okay not to be a person of your word.
Parents score points when they do not argue with their children. Imagine you have a bonfire on the beach. If you stop putting fire on, what happens? You guessed it! It eventually goes out. When they remain calm, regardless of a child's reactions,they get the point. Yes, I realize this is not always an easy thing to do.
Any time a parent follows through with a promise, another point is scored. If you say you'll drive your child to the store, do it. Don't make any promises unless you feel certain you can carry them through for the child. When you tell or ask your child to stop doing something and he doesn't, follow through until he does. This might mean you have to quietly and calmly walk over and physically help him. You could say something like, "Thanks for letting me know you need help doing this. I love you so much I want to make sure you can do this." If you say it sarcastically, the child gets the point because you won't sound sincere.
The downside of this game is that no one ever wins. When parents play, they give away their parental power and control to their children. Each time parents react with anger and frustration, they non-verbally let their children know the children are stronger than the parent. If a child gets the unconscious message he or she is stronger, that child won't feel safe. "Who's going to take care of me and keep me safe if I'm emotionally stronger than my parent?" What you may see is a child acting out even more, testing the parent to set limits and stop the child's behavior.
When children play the game over time, they do not learn to accept the word "no." This is crucial if they are to grow up as respectful, responsible adults.
Now that you know about this no-win game, how can you, as a parent, stop it? Stay calm, no matter what's happening. If you want some ideas on how to do this, you can find some ideas on my blog called, "How to Act Like a Super nanny at Home." The address is http://www.parentsurvival.org. By staying calm, not arguing, walking away; the game loses its strength because the parent is in control. You haven't put any logs on the fire.
If you tell your child to do something, make sure you check to see that it's done according to your desires. If your child starts to argue, simply say, "I love you too much to argue" and walk away. If you answer your child's comments, you will lose the point. The trick here involves being quiet, the less said, the better.
Children may not get what they think they want when their parents no longer play with game with them. However, they get what they need, which are strong successful parents who love them enough to stop playing the game. Only then will everyone win.
Promote Physical Fitness for Your Child
If your child is to derive the benefits of physical fitness, then physical activity must be habitual and lifelong. Moving should be as routine as brushing teeth and bathing.
Keeping Your Children Safe
The purpose of this article is to address some of the key points parents need to know in order to keep their children safe.Let them know who can help them:When I was an officer I participated in something called "Safty Town".
Helping Your Teen Get Back to School With Clear Skin
Backpack? Check. Notebooks? Check.
Learning my Childs Way
Home schooling. What is it? What does it mean to you? How do you home school? These were just some of the questions I had when we started thinking about home schooling our children.
First Year With Twins - A Father's Point Of View
People always ask my wife and I: "How did you ever do it with two babies? I just can't imagine it". My answer is always the same?we just do.
You Make Me Sick And Other Things Parents Say in Anger
Maryann is so focused she's blind. She's slipped over the edge of responsibility and forgot the real reason she is working so hard.
8 Tips To Save On Child Care Costs
Child care costs are are one of the most expensive costs associated with going back to work. Finding ways to cut down on child care costs without sacrificing quality child care is a top priority for all working parents.
10 keys to Developing Your Childs Genius
Would you like your child to be the best that he can be - to achieve his maximum potential? Imagine how successful your child can be with a brilliant mind, lightening fast learning skills, an accurate, lasting memory, creativity and problem solving skills of a genius. Here are 10 keys to developing your child's genius.
How to Create an Attitude of Cooperation
Having been a parent educator and a PBS consultant for Ready to Learn for many years, I have had the unique opportunity to work with Head Start families, Child Care Providers, and parents as well as schools, organizations, and teachers all over the world just like you.YES YOU ARE A TEACHER.
How NOT to Motivate Your Children and Students
Chaim Ginott was a schoolteacher whose ideas and observations helped to bring about a near revolution in the way teachers interact with their young charges. He later practiced as a psychologist.
Don't Make Fast and Furious Food Changes
OK, moms and dads out there, we hear you when you say, my children won't eat healthy foods. If we even say the word, they tune out and already decide they don't like it.
Planning the Ultimate Kid Birthday Party
Child Party Planning Guideline #1)Pick the ThemeYour child is going to look forward to their birthday months before it arrives. Starting from their last birthday and after every friend's birthday they attend through the year, they will continuously ask the same question, "Is it my birthday tomorrow?" Let them know how important their birthday is and make sure they are apart of the planning process.
14 Romantic Time-Outs for Parents
Here are fourteen spontaneous time-outs, specially designed to help you pay the small attentions that are so integral to lasting intimacy.Day One: Spend 15 minutes kissing.
How to Get a Good Diagnosis to See If Your Child Has ADHD
Your child's teacher says that you need to find out if your child has ADHD or not. What do you do? Here are some tips from the ADHD Information Library.
Raising Teenagers? Stay C.A.L.M.
Parents of teenagers frequently ask what can be done to improve their relationship with their kids. This can be a challenging time, and a time when parents sometimes feel rejected, out of touch, and unclear about what to do.
Is Your Child Learning Nothing?
You send your child to school and the teachers teach them. If that is what you think, you could be way wrong ! While most teachers are good at presenting information to a class, learning happens ONLY if kids actually want to learn.
Parents --- Homeschooling Can Take a Lot Less Time Than You Think
The time you will need to teach your children the essentials - reading, writing, and arithmetic - is much less than you think. Let me quote author and former public-school teacher John Gatto from his wonderful book, Dumbing Us Down:"Were the colonists geniuses? [i.
How Effective Are Ritalin and Dexedrine in Treating the Symptoms of ADHD?
Many research studies have shown the overall effectiveness of stimulant medication, such as Ritalin and Dexedrine in their various forms, in treating the symptoms of Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorders in children, teens, and adults. Even though stimulants are not the only effective option in the treatment of the disorder, stimulants may be a good choice, and their use should be discussed with your physician.
Consistent Boundaries Makes Discipline Easier
Homes should be run by parents, not children. So many times, however, either the children are in charge or the parents are so eager to be liked, that whatever rules and standards are talked about, few are enforced, especially on a consistent basis.
Parents Complaints --- Arrogant Public Schools Turn a Deaf Ear
School authorities continually claim that they want more parent cooperation and participation in their children's education. They complain when parents don't show up for parent-teacher conferences or push their children to do their homework.
|home | site map|