Parenting Your Teenager: But everyone else gets to do it!
Q. We are getting to the stage with our kids where they are becoming teen-agers and are asking for more and more privileges. When we believe we need to say ``no,'' our daughter says, ``But everyone else gets to do it. Why can't I?'' We get stuck. We don't want to be too strict or too lenient. How do we handle this stage?
A. That's a really good question, because many parents get baffled by the everyone-else-gets-to-do-it-why-can't-I maneuver.
My own parents' answer to my ``David gets to do it. Why can't I?'' was this: ``If David stood on his head in the middle of the street in his underwear at 3 in the morning, would you?'' I probably would have. And I never did figure out what that answer had to do with wanting to go to the movies.
Anyway, what my parents had stumbled onto with this saying of theirs was that they were simply not going to get hooked by the bait I was giving them.
Trying to argue against the everyone-else-gets-to-do-it maneuver is a no-win situation.
This is because many teen-agers are 15 going on 25 and 15 going on 5, all at the same time. Parents are faced with an I-want-what-I-want-when-I-want-it 5-year-old with the brains of a young adult who can put together a fairly convincing argument.
This combination is part of what makes teen-agers what I call ``master manipulators.''
What happens is this:
Parents get hooked into the manipulation by believing that ``why can't I?'' is a legitimate question worthy of a legitimate answer.
But the reality is this:
There is no answer you could give that would make your teen-ager say, ``Hey, that's a really good reason! Thanks for sharing it with me. Now I no longer want to do what I was asking about.''
It just doesn't happen.
Another way to handle the everyone-else-gets-to line is to check it out.
Call up the parents of your teen-ager's friends and see if they really do get to do all these things. Chances are the real story will be different from the one you are hearing at home.
Visit SecretsofGreatRelationships.com for tips and tools for creating and growing a great relationship. You can also subscribe to our f*r*e*e 10 day e-program on how to enrich your relationship today, from relationship coach and expert Jeff Herring.
Moms - Get More Energy Now
Let's be honest! When it comes to parenting, men expect their wives or partners to do the lion's share.There are signs that we're moving toward a more enlightened age in which ALL parents play their part.
What is Child Sexual Abuse?
What is child sexual abuse? Any sexual activity that is imposed on a child by an adult or an adolescent is a sexual assault and abuse of the power of one person over another. This also includes experiences of child to child, teen to child, teen to teen, if there is an age difference of four or more years.
10 Signs That Your Teen Is Using Drugs
Did you know that over 75% of teens aged 16-17 report that obtaining marijuana is "easy or fairly easy?" Or that 25% of youths between 12 and 17 say the same of crack?When children start using drugs they usually exhibit many different signs that parents need to watch out for. Unfortunately, many parents often write-off these signs as normal adolescent behavior and as a result they don't realize that their child is into drugs until it is too late.
Over-Indulgence And Over-Attentiveness - Two Dangers Parents Must Avoid!
We're all familiar with the over-indulgent parent. But there's another parenting practice that can be equally harmful: over-attentiveness.
The POWER of Your Words
Words are truly powerful things. They are something that becomes a part of us, our history, and our legacy.
Social Engineering via Robotic Toddlers
Is there a way to build a robot to help toddlers and pre-schoolers learn proper social behavior without the parents intervention? A robotic friend so to speak; one, which will play with the child and explore colors and shapes. Perhaps build legos? Now before you say I am wacked, let's discuss this.
How to Create an Attitude of Cooperation
Having been a parent educator and a PBS consultant for Ready to Learn for many years, I have had the unique opportunity to work with Head Start families, Child Care Providers, and parents as well as schools, organizations, and teachers all over the world just like you.YES YOU ARE A TEACHER.
7 Ways to Know Your Child
How well do you really know your child?There is so much information at our fingertips to learn more about a child's personality, 'behaviorisms' and intelligence. Of course, we want to be the best parent we can, and so we read all the information.
Develop Your Childs Genius - Right Brain/Left Brain Coordination
No matter how old your children are, you have an immense power to affect their growth, development and success in life. By actively pursuing activities that contribute to the better development of their brain, you provide them with an advantage over all other kids, and increase their chances to be successful in life.
Guilty of Not Following Her Heart
Karen, a single never-married thirty-year old attorney has a four-year old daughter, whom she just picked up from her parents' home after another all-day affair in court.Like every Thursday, Karen took her daughter, Anna, to McDonald's for dinner, which was a very special mother-daughter bonding time.
Where Is Your Homework, Lisa?
Is Homework Really That Important?Dear Friends,I no longer teach in public schools, but for what seems like 100 years, I did. During my long career, I did the best I knew how to do at the time, based on where I was in life, and what I had learned about teaching.
Taking Home Souvenirs, Not Junk
Gift shops are a kid magnet and often a trip highlight! Do you cringe at the sight inexpensive trinkets and novelty items that will be lost or broken in the span of hours? Plan your souvenir strategy early and help your child assemble a collection that is unique and will last for years to come, preserving the memories of your travels together. First, come up with a theme.
Child Communication Skill: Do You Really Know What Your Child Is Saying To You?
Here's the scene of communication with your child: your three-year-old boy is bawling his eyes out. Hurriedly, you run over, and ask "What's wrong?".
Diana, Princess of Whales
Younger generations unfortunately will not understand how larger than life Diana really was and it would be difficult to describe. If you will read the book about her or go buy the audiotape you can play it for your children.
What Are Reasonable Expectations of a Child?
To have reasonable expectations of our children is an important aspect of wise parenting. Reasonable expectations leave room for a child to be a child but understand they are on the road to learning to be a mature adult.
Creating Great Birthday Party Videos
My son recently had his third birthday party and it was mayhem. There were kids all over the place doing all sorts of funny things with parents following them around trying to prevent the next catastrophe.
Bad Boys/Good Boys (Avoiding The Pitfalls Of Being An Insensitive Dad)
I WAS AMAZEDI could hardly believe what I was hearing. A father and his son had entered the men's room.
Are You Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child?
Although many parents are concerned with our children's intelligence quotient (IQ), research shows that a child's emotional quotient (EQ) is just as important for that child's personal success. So what is Emotional Intelligence? Emotional quotient is your child's ability to feel, while intelligence quotient is your child's ability to think.
My Sons Deployment
One of the most difficult struggles in life for a parent is the struggle that occurs when the parent is attempting to keep their child safe and the child is attempting to explore the world and find their place in it, often times not in the safest manner.A discussion of Inside Out cannot occur without me sharing some of my own personal struggles with the concept.
Role Models for Your Teen
By the time your children reach their teens, there is only a limited amount of time left to influence them and get them started in life in the right direction.The teen years are a critical time for role models in your children's lives.
|home | site map|