Saying No To Our Children
Saying no to our children is not always easy or pleasant. Sometimes it is very hard work and we don't want to face the struggle. Most of us at some time will find ourselves saying yes when we know we should have said no. Some people almost never say no. The funny thing is though, the more I am prepared to say no, and mean it, and enforce it, the less I have to say it. Children get the message. We have to say no to our diabetic children often enough, for health reasons, that you would think we would be better at it for other things. I know sometimes I feel a little guilty saying no to something after a series of diabetes related no's. But I still have to say no anyway. Parents who have to say no for most of the day will probably admit that they are not enforcing it. They give in too soon. When you do this you are sending mixed messages to your children about what they are and are not allowed to do. There are many reasons why we find it difficult to say no. However, there are some common patterns that we all display at some time or another. These are some common reasons, I know I need to raise my own hand at a couple of these.
* We want to protect or child from the "pain" or discomfort of disappointment.
* We want to protect ourselves from facing his feelings of anger or disappointment.
* We want to avoid the responsibilities of making a decision about an issue.
* We want to keep the peace and fear the row, or other consequences that may follow.
* We need our child's approval, want to be his friend, and fear his rejection.
* We want to keep the times we are with our child free from conflict.
We can get the necessary strength, confidence and authority to say no when it matters by understanding these reasons more fully.
Protecting Your Child from the Pain of Disappointment. Of course it hurts to see our children suffer, but mild discomfort and disappointment are a part of life. Our children will be better equipped to cope with the realities of life if they experience and learn to manage disappointment. This doesn't mean we should go out of our way to expose them to pain. It does mean that being the cause of their disappointment is not something we should feel guilty about. Being used to accepting no, and realizing that they can survive the disappointment, makes them stronger in the face of adversity and gives them a better idea of which "wants" are really important to them. Going without once in a while helps to develop a sense of priorities and character.
Protecting Ourselves from our Child's Feelings of Anger or Disappointment. We sometimes avoid saying no to protect ourselves from having to respond to our children's negative reaction. As parents, we are used to "making them feel better"; but how can we do this without giving in? We can't. We also can't avoid their negative reaction. We have to "stand in" and tough it out. Sometimes saying nothing is best for the situation
Avoiding the Responsibility of Making a Decision About an Issue. Sometimes we avoid saying no because it involves us in making a decision about rights and wrongs of an issue and taking responsibility for that decision afterward. It is easier to say yes, particularly if we don't find it easy to make decisions. Saying no puts the burden on us to have a reason for the refusal. If we cannot think of two good reasons for our decision then maybe we should re-think our position. We don't always have to supply our reasons to our children. When we say yes they don't ask why, they just accept the answer because it was what they wanted to hear. However, as parents it won't kill us to check our reasoning from time to time.
Fearful of the Row, or Other Consequences, That May Follow. If you find yourself often avoiding saying no because you are frightened of the power battle or retaliations that will follow, you need to ask yourself two questions.
* Have I got myself into a power-contest with my child, and if so, why?
* Am I letting myself be blackmailed by their threatened emotional reaction?
If the answer to either of these questions is yes, then you have two more questions to answer.
* Who is in charge?
* Who should be in charge?
Needing Approval, and fearing Rejection. Some parents may find it hard to say no because they are afraid their children won't like them if they don't give them what they want. They need to be liked and need to feel that their child is their friend. If you are looking for approval and friendship from your child, especially if you need it for your own self-esteem, then you are putting a huge burden on your child that they should not be asked to carry. We as parents need to be the constant factor in our children's lives. We need to be their rock of guidance and security.
Wanting to Keep the Times You Are Together Free from Conflict. It is very hard for a parent who does not spend much time, for whatever reason, with their child to start being tough and causing upset. It is only natural that you want to keep those precious moments free from conflict. Non custodial parents sometimes spoil their children when it's their weekend "on". Working parents who arrive home near bedtime may find it hard to resist the pleas for more time and attention. Our children have a way of knowing the weak spot, and will exploit it for all it's worth. To them it's worth a lot. But giving in or being soft is not in their best interest.
We know that it can be a hard world out there sometimes. At some point in their lives our children are going to have to face it on their own. We meet our responsibilities as parents by properly equipping them to successfully meet and overcome the obstacles they will surely face. Don't send your precious child out there unprepared.
Russell Turner is the father of a 10 year old diabetic daughter. After she was diagnosed he soon discovered he could find all sorts of medical information on the internet. What he couldn't find was how to prepare his child and family for living with this disease. He started his own website for parents of newly diagnosed diabetic children http://www.mychildhasdiabetes.com
Parents - Create An Emotionally Healthy Connection With Your Child
"I could have helped you if I would have known, I'm your mother. I protect you against everybody in this world.
Home And School Education - Your Kids Can Benefit From Both!
Once, as a Learning Support Teacher, I made my way down to the annexe that housed the school's History Department.The annexe was about 100 metres from the main school building, down an attractive, leafy hill.
Why Wont My Teens Clean Their Room?
Have you ever had this struggle with your teens? Did you get to the results that you were looking for? Did moving toward those results create an unexpected rift between you and your teen? Parents complain to me that when their teens won't do their chores and, as a result, they punish their teens, there is conflict and a damaged relationship. Parents say that they don't want their relationship with their teens to suffer.
How to Get Your Children Brand Free
Those of you that have children know what an excursion to the local mall or supermarket can be like. If you're not careful, this simple trip can easily become a wallet draining experience.
Teach Your Kids to Cook Well, Eliminating Excessive Health Care Needs in the Future
We are all aware of the child obesity epidemic that has not only attacked the United States, but internationally as well. To keep our children healthy and keep health care costs down, we must examine even the simplest angles to prevent this problem.
Picky Eater Syndrome
'Picky Eater' is a label coined to describe the phenomenon that someone has discerning taste preferences different from their parents or others. These discerning taste preferences are dictated by their blood and body type.
Patterns For Plus Size Children
Plus size children and overweight children need patterns and clothing that fit THEIR "larger than average" measurements. Sadly, neither ready made clothing nor commercial patterns address the real issue of children's measurements.
Keeping Kids Safe on the Internet
The biggest trick some child predators' are using these days is to pretend to be a kid, in a kid site chat room.Child predators are talking the lingo, misspelling words, having simple conversations to gain trust with children on the internet.
The Seven Keys to Child Obedience
Learning obedience is an important part of child development. This is the tool that allows you as parents to train your child.
Summer Marks the Time to Remember Active Supervision Around Family Swimming Pools
LOS ANGELES (May 19, 2005) - With Memorial Day weekend, and summer fast approaching, EMS, first responders, and water safety advocates, are bracing for the unthinkable - the unfortunate drowning accidents in backyard swimming pools that annually claim the lives of nearly 500 children under the age of five, and an estimated 2,800 "near-drowning" incidents.1The Centers for Disease Control (CDC) reports, for every child who drowns, six more children are involved in "near-drowning" incidents - accidents that can lead to permanent neurological damage, life-long disabilities, and leaving the parents with catastrophic medical costs and years of recovery and therapy.
How to Assist Troubled Teens
What parents of a teen haven't wondered where their sweet child went and who the angry and rebellious child is that took his or her place. After all, adolescence is a time of change.
The Scientific Breakthrough That Allows Every Couple To Choose The Gender Of Their Baby
The advances in science over the past century have been breath-taking. We've seen man stroll casually on the moon, watched in awe as scientists cloned and brought a sheep to life using nothing more than a few strands of microscopic DNA and we witnessed some stunning improvements in the fields of medicine and care - for example, Viagra to some has been the discovery of a lifetime.
Single Mother Sanity Savers Pt. 1
Being a single mother is no easy task. I know.
What You Should Know About Counseling for Attention Deficit Disorder
At the ADHD Information Library we are big believers that you should not just be giving a child with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder medication without also providing some sort of counseling or therapy. There are good, long-term studies that show that medication by itself over the long term is not a whole lot better than no treatment at all (Satterfield, et.
Free Stuff for Twins: Incentives for Parents of Multiple Births
A sure way to double the joys of parenthood is to give birth to twins! You'll have twice the smiles, goos & coos, giggles, and firsts (first words, first steps, first burps..
Power Foods for a Powerful School Lunch
There isn't a school day that goes by that I worry about my son's lunch. Of course, I ask myself the usual questions: Is he eating what he has in the bag? Will he trade his apple for a cookie? Will the school lunch he's ordering once a week be nutritious? He's a kid! He's not a fussy eater, but there are plenty of days that he has come home with a bag full of food.
A Quiz for Parents: What Are They REALLY Learning?
Picture this. Your child comes home with a special assignment from school.
The Real Problem With Todays Teenagers (And Why Most Parents Just Dont Get It!)
An address given by Rev. David B.
My Sweet Little Valentine
Valentine day has always been a special day in my life since Naseer, my husband proposed me to marry him a few years back. Since then, we never missed the chance of cherishing and celebrating every Valentine's Day.
So, My Child Has Been Recommended for Testing - What Do I Do Now?
You've just received a call from your child's teacher. As your blood pounds in your ears, you hear her explain how she has noticed your child having difficulty with some academic subject in school.
|home | site map|