Muscle Pain And Children Do Not Mix
I am in pain. I've been in pain all day. Last night, I was in "searing pain", which is pain multiplied by pain, divided by relief, then multiplied by pain to the tenth power. In case you are not a math whiz, that equals pain with 33 zeros after it. Two days ago, I was in pain (just regular pain, no zeros). In fact, I was in pain all week.
Welcome to my humor column.
Actually, pain is not really all that funny ... unless it happens to somebody else. Oh, come on. Don't get all sanctimonious on me. Pain is the very essence of the Bugs Bunny Show. And the Three Stooges. And every sitcom that relies on personal slights and insults. Without pain to tickle the funny bone, the entertainment industry would be no bigger today than George Bush's collection of feminist literature.
Of course, pain is funny only when it happens to somebody else. It's a lot like reality TV. If it was you stranded on a desert island with a dozen other maniacs, trying to cook worms without emptying your stomach first, would you feel "entertained"?
Fortunately for the deep-pocket sponsors of reality TV, it's not really very real. As long as somebody else is enjoying their makeshift meal of gourmet slimies, it's called entertainment.
Unfortunately for me, my muscle pain is real. It's in my back. It's in my side. It hurts when I bend, twist, or make any sudden movement not approved by the FDA, the DEA, the IRS, the RCMP, the CIA or Interpol.
I did something stupid. No, I did not try a triple summersault on my snowboard in the Rockies. Unfortunately, it was not that stupid. But I did pick up 37-pound Little Lady to place her in her high chair. And I did use just one arm, off to the side, while fiddling with the high chair straps.
I was keenly aware of the exact moment that God said, "It's about time you learn a lesson about physics and biology and all those other subjects you so smugly weaseled your way out of in high school." Ouch.
Parents of young children deserve immunity against muscle pain. A young child should be a "get out of pain free" card. You get to go directly to health, do not pass the hospital, do not pay $200.
Why special treatment for parents of young children? Because they never get the chance to fully recuperate.
Children demand 100 times more physical interaction than adults. And guess what? They want it at their level ... which means bending over. Ouch.
Children are unpredictable, which means they might suddenly grab your leg with enough energy to fell an oak. Since there is rarely an oak in your living room, your leg falls with you attached. Or you react to keep yourself from falling ... which means twisting. Ouch.
Did I mention that kids want to play a lot? Running. Dancing. Chasing. Throwing. Rolling on the floor. Can you resist? Of course you can. "Catch, daddy." Oops, I forgot. Ouch.
OK, how about playing something calm. I sat Little Lady in her high chair (without twisting this time) and placed some Play Dough in front of her. "Please, please, please stop dropping chunks on the floor where I have to bend reeeeeeeally low to pick them up." Ouch.
A parent of a young child simply does not have the opportunity to heal. He just keeps re-injuring himself over and over and over and over.
So if you notice my columns growing less funny and more painful, please don't laugh. It's my pain, and it is real.
About The Author
The author is David Leonhardt, The Happy Guy, publisher of Your Daily Dose of Happiness at http://TheHappyGuy.com/daily-happiness-free-ezine.html. Read more personal growth articles in his Self-actualization Resource Center at http://TheHappyGuy.com/self-actualization-articles.html, or visit his home page at http://thehappyguy.com.
The Added Advantage In African American Childrens Education: Computer Homeschooling (Part 2)
We've got spirit, yes we do! We've got spirit how 'bout you!We left our parents and friends in our last article discussing the commitment it takes to homeschool african american children. In part 2 of 4 we will discuss finding resources to make sure that african american parents commitment to their children's education is not hampered because of anything easily available.
How to Get a Good Diagnosis to See If Your Child Has ADHD
Your child's teacher says that you need to find out if your child has ADHD or not. What do you do? Here are some tips from the ADHD Information Library.
My Husband Prioritizes Making Money Above Family Time
"Money is tight, and my husband's obsessed with doing everything he can to make more of it. It's gotten so bad that he's lost interest in our daughter.
"Before every action, ask yourself: Will this bring more monkeys on my back? Will the result of my action be a blessing or a heavy burden?" --Alfred A. MontapertIt's that time of year again.
Scolding: One of Communications Tools of Last Resort
(Excerpted from Jim Rohn's 2004 Weekend Leadership Event)You have to be very careful of scolding. Scolding, as a last resort, may be necessary but you must be very careful.
SMUT Spelled Backwards is TUMS
Why are more people, especially parents not outraged?I call it SMUT - Selling Made Under Titillation.It seems that more and more corporations are chasing the dollar to the demise of the family.
Tips for Single Parents
Prioritize. Learn to say No.
The Parent Teen Relationship: How Effective is Yours?
It was the homework that did it. Each night became a challenge in how I was going to get my son, a non-academic, to do his homework.
Parents of Teens: Do You Ever Ask WHY is she so MEAN to me?
Do you ever wonder what is behind the occasional nasty attitudes expressed by your teenager? Teenagers can make their parents feel pretty badly at times; if they only knew how much their words and actions sometimes hurt us they'd probably stop. Perhaps.
The Ten Most Common Poisons Among Kids
For parents, keeping our kids safe is a constant top priority. But even with the best intentions it's possible to overlook some potentially harmful household poisons.
What do you mean average? Not good? Just doing good enough?That's what came out in Joshua's report card recently. Looking back, I wasn't too bright a child either.
Beyond the Words, a Childs Voice
Voices have a way of falling into a pattern, not unlike the sound of constant rain. At first, the rain is obvious as it dramatically announces its arrival, and for a brief moment, you acknowledge the intrusion.
His Toy, Her Toy
I remember when my daughter was born. Visions of her and I dressed in pinks and purples sitting in her lacy pink room playing dolls danced threw my head.
On Raising a Child with Disabilities: Sara & the Nail Salon
Sara loves pampering. Haircuts, facials, manicures, and makeup bring smiles, giggles, raised eyebrows and kisses.
A Dangerous Environment
The internet is a dangerous place for your children. Don't even begin to believe that your child is safe.
Top Five Ways To Stay In Touch With Your Child
Once your little boy/girl goes off to school, you may find that your "special talks" occur less frequently..
What Might Surprise You About Childhood Obesity
The formula is pretty straightforward: energy in/energy out. This is the term nutritionists use to describe the intended balance between calories consumed and calories burned.
Is Your Discipline Damaging the Spirit of the Child?
If your parenting methods include abuse of any kind; physical, sexual, emotional or verbal, please get help to stop as soon as possible. Adults are supposed to safeguard and protect the young among us.
The Mystery of Picky Eaters
If you were to ask 100 parents why they think their children are picky eaters, chances are you would get 90 different answers. Although we know some children are picky eaters for no apparent reason, most are hard to please when it comes to food for two reasons - they are naturally fussy about tastes and textures or they have a learned behavior about food.
Top Seven Tips To Become A Good Stepmother
Becoming a stepmother can undoubtedly be one of the most challenging, yet rewarding, experiences in a woman's life. Every family's circumstances are certainly different in some ways.
|home | site map|